Do you ever just have to stop and pause sometimes? Well I’m asking you to just stop. Just pause and think before you have a thought. Pause before judging. Pause before becoming jealous. Pause before negative self talk. Pause and THINK: T- is it true? H-is it helpful? I-is it inspiring? N-is it necessary? K-is it kind?
{I am her} or {I was her} is threaded throughout just so you know I’m not calling anyone out or saying that these things are only how I see others because I , too have been there. You are NOT alone. I feel you, girl.
Stop saying things like “You’re not a mom, you don’t understand.” Or stop saying things like “You don’t know what it’s like to have anxiety”. I’m 99.9% sure you’re NOT the only person who feels things the way you do. Since when did society become a contest of who’s more busy, who’s more supermom or perfect housewife, who’s more successful at their career, or who’s got more issues? “Wonder Woman” becomes a woman who wonders why and how I do it all? Why do we compare? Why do we judge? So what if you’re a stay-at- home mom (thats great you can enjoy more time with your babies, a blessing!) and your bestie is a working mom who takes her kids to daycare, or better yet what if she doesn’t have kids yet? Doesn’t mean you or her either one is any less of a mom because of parenting choices. Breastfed or formula, homemade puree baby food or store bought: either way mama you are feeding your growing little human. You are a mama and that in itself is a gift. And the friend or family member isn’t any less of a woman just because she is not yet a mother who brought life into this world. What if she isn’t ready yet? {I am her} What if she and her husband want to grow as a couple in their marriage before bringing tiny humans into the picture? {I am her}What if sadly she struggles with infertility? {Many of my friends face this} What if you’re a self made, work from home, ground- up, start-up business entrepreneur rather than your friend who is “stuck” in a 9-5 job where she desperately wants to flourish and grow but feels trapped? If you are an entrepreneur, girl own it! I’m proud of you! Embrace the privilege and insight God has gifted you with, enjoy the process! If you’re in a job or career where you want to change or feel stuck, maybe God has you there for a season (however long that season maybe months, years, or decades) to grow you and prepare for every season, again embrace the process! Your diligence, hard work and perserverance don’t go unnoticed. I’m proud of you too! Don’t spend each day waiting for the next big change, step or life event.{I was her} Or here’s another; a woman who’s career choice others may consider difficult, hard, stressful and may not understand why she does it, but she absolutely loves it even if the pay isn’t as much, but the rewards are far greater? {I am her} (Example: childcare teachers like myself, or first responders-a volunteer firefighter like my husband). What about the single friend who’s the last one left of the squad to find someone? The divorced friend? The single parent friend? What about her, she has a picturesque perfect Better Homes & Garden style home that is perfectly decorated, organized and CLEAN. What if she struggles OCD or compulsive cleaning and feels like a failure because things are a mess, maybe she feels like if she fixes things and tidyed up here and there that she’s got it somewhat together and things in her control even if it’s temporary. {I am her} The one who seems to always smile and be a ray of sunshine to everyone but hurts inside. {I was her} The one who has anxiety attacks from things she can’t control or irrational fears and someone just says “Calm down and stop freaking out”, “You’re overreacting it’s not that serious”. People struggle secretly with different things like this. {I was her} Anxiety is a real thing, not made up. It comes in different forms from irrational fears and phobias, to feeling like you have no control over a situation, or fear of missing out (fomo as people call it) or feeling left out or less than? {I am her}
Do you see a pattern here? These things are thoughts that we create in our own minds and they hold us prisoner and captive. Scripture says we are to take every thought captive, and hold it to the light of truth to God’s Word! Philippians 4:8 states “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.
(NIV) If it isn’t pleasing or pleasant, encouraging or edifying; toss it out of your mind like yesterday’s trash! Negative thoughts should not hold us captive!
I ask all these questions and bring out all these traits and flaws because of judgement and insecurity. What if we stop judging the other mom, the other wife, the other teacher or co-worker, the other entrepreneur, the other sister, the other friend about how they do things differently than you? Just because someone has a different method or idea than you doesn’t mean their thought process is wrong: its just different (and thats okay!) The old saying “Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you” is correct. Have you ever gotten mad at someone and they didn’t even know it? Sometimes we make up the “mean girl” syndrome in our own minds thinking “oh well she’s judging me”, or “I don’t agree with her on things so we must not be friends” or “she didn’t include me, I felt left out” and the thoughts of what we felt when we misheard someone or how we perceived and received what they said (communication is 90% of how you say it rather what you say; delivery is everything). I would get upset with friends or family when I feel they don’t support me in the little things, not invite me, or feel like they secretly judge me, or just don’t have time for or appreciate me. God had been teaching me and showing me grace in these areas. We may think people are mad at us, or we find a reason to be mad at them, or we think someone is judging us or we find some reason to judge them. Jealousy leads to judgement. Which leads to a root of bitterness. Once again, creating a prison of our own thoughts! Things that may not even be realistic or in all actuality even true! The lies we believe come from the enemy, to try to make us mad at our other brothers and sisters in Christ. We must not let our stereotypes, lifestyles, thoughts, opinions or anything define us or make us define others. We are NOT perfect beings. There is no perfect husband or wife, perfect mom and dad, or perfect kids. We are all learning as we go. No one, has it all together. If we stop pretending as if we do and just talk with others about their same struggles we can muddle through the beautiful mess together. The struggle is real, but so is Jesus. We must be REAL and raw and authentic, listen without judgement or even listen without the sake of responding, sometimes people need to be heard, not always advised or fixed. (Look up in Scripture about Job’s friends there’s alot to learn from them both good and bad). You must take this seriously, not lightly…when someone comes to you in confidence and confidentially keep it that way. Your worth or mine, is not defined but how you judge people but how you treat people, or by what you do but who you are. Judge not lest you be judged. Affirm someone by not assuming you know their story. Love one another, bear one another’s burdens. Chances are someone else really does know how it feels. Joy over judgement. Be intentional, not insecure. Be kind, not catty.
Hope For Her Heart 